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This is the fourth in a series on Active Listening. This is a technique for being involved in the listening process. Being involved lets the speaker know you are hearing their meaning – not just their words. I have a five point process for active listening and this is the last point: Look Beyond.

As “Active” implies, we are taking some action in the listening process. There are three primary responsibilities:

1. Attentiveness to the speaker
2. Suspending personal frame of reference
3. Suspending personal judgment

To easily remember how to be actively involved in listening, I use an ANVIL. It stands for:

Atmosphere

Non-Verbal Cues

Verbal Cues

Inquire

Look beyond

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Look Beyond:  Each of us has our own background and experiences, and that it’s very, very hard to break out of them. But that’s what you need to attempt – to look beyond what you know to be true so you can perhaps understand the speaker’s viewpoint.  They have had different experiences from you, so each of us has our own perceptions of an event. How do we Look Beyond?

• Suspend your frame of reference: Let’s say an irate customer showed up at the door. The receptionist had a very angry, loud, abusive customer yelling at her.  Even though she is very skilled at interpersonal communication, she was unable to calm the customer. The customer left the building angrily, stopping other incoming customers to tell them how bad your company was. Now, if you are viewing this event from the vantage of being the boss, and you have always believed that the customer is always right, and the receptionist is now telling you the angry customer left before their problem was resolved – well, you might decide the receptionist just didn’t do her job. This is a perfect example of where you have to suspend your frame of reference, your beliefs – that you are the boss, upholding the company value that the customer is always right – and instead listen objectively to the receptionist’s side of the story.

Sometimes it’s hard to suspend your belief system! But as you get better at communication skills, you will begin to realize that you are listening from a frame of reference that may prevent you from listening clearly.

• Get outside of your experiences and upbringing: See how your background is contributing to what you are hearing…vs what the speaker is saying. And if you find you are having trouble comprehending someone’s experiences, tell them that. You have a coworker who was just caught stealing from the company, and he tells you it was because he has a drug addiction and needs money to buy his drugs, there’s nothing wrong with saying, “It’s hard for me to understand this situation because I have never been in a similar position, but I’ll try to understand ….”
• Consider from their viewpoint: Consider the information from the viewpoint of the speaker. Remember, no matter what the event, they have a unique perception of that event. You have to look beyond what you know: suspend your frame of reference, get outside of your experiences, and consider what the speaker believes. For example, Your co-worker comes into your office very upset and says he is going to turn in his resignation. He says he can’t stand the backstabbing that is going on around here any longer, and then he describes an incident where another co-worker turned in his idea and claimed it as his own. Regardless of the truth, or what event occurred, this is the way he perceives the truth. And so you have to suspend what you know or believe or have experienced, all your biases – your opinions, your prejudices, your judgments – and look at it from your co-worker’s point of view. Tough, but doable with practice, and with questioning techniques.

Perhaps the biggest challenge when actively listening is thinking about the story from the speaker’s viewpoint. Practice this week by looking beyond what you know to be true, and see it from a wider perspective.

Find out more about communicating in business from our seminar, Communication Skills: Keeping your Communications on Track.

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